Fiesta de los Muertos

When: Saturday 7-8pm

Where: Constellations, 35-39 Greensland St L10BS

Join Bring the Fire Project this Halloween as they show us there’s more to Mexico than nachos and those weird upside down exclamation marks. “Fiesta de los Muertos” will take you on a journey through the streets of Mexico, on a spiritual adventure of love and lust through the land of the dead. Become mesmerised by Lady Caterina and her ethereal skeleton hombres overlooking her devious plans for destruction.

The show is directed by Szymon Mamys, who actually taught me fire dancing as well as countless others. His performances are seamless, and he puts his heart and soul into sharing his passion. He explained of the performance, ‘Sharing the power of fire and flow arts is a big thing in this community and it seemed like a natural thing to do… My job is to stimulate development of this community and create opportunities for everyone and hopefully this coming event will help.’

The great thing about fire shows is they rarely last over an hour, so this donation-based spectacle is a perfect way to warm up the festivities before heading to your respective Halloween parties, the nearby Camp & Furnace or taking the two minute walk to town.


Dr John Cooper Clarke

When: June 11th 2016, 7:30pm – 10:30pm

Where: Mountford Hall, Liverpool Guild of Students

John Cooper Clarke is an English performance “punk poet” with a career spanning five decades. And yeah, June 11th 2016 is a long way away, but tickets for this special summer tour are selling like hot cakes.

Before you press ‘x’ because ‘POETRY IS RUBBISH OMG WHERE AM I, SCHOOL AGAIN?’, let me tell you: I get ya. During my Creative Writing degree, girls would swoon over the bearded, tattooed indie kids who openly recited their feelings, but I dropped poetry for screenwriting as soon as possible.

In year nine English we were instructed to recite our favourite poem. After a week and 50 seconds of frantic Googling, I came up with ‘Mary Had Some Bubble Gum’ and a decade later is still the only poem I have memorised, bundled into a corner of my brain along with the fact that the male duck’s willy is ridiculously long and shaped like a corkscrew which he frequently uses to rape his female counterparts, who have adapted against these lecherous advances with vaginas shaped counter-clockwise. They also have one fake fanny to trick the bloke and prevent illegitimate chicklets. Oh, yeah; here’s the poem:


The teacher also took my dreams of an A away. Nowadays I’ve extended my repertoire to ‘Song’ by Christina Rossetti, to be recited at my funeral.

The thing about John Cooper Clark is that he’s, well, cool. Well cool. Often referred to as “The Bard of Salford”, he gained widespread publicity in the late 70s as the original people’s poet and a leading voice of youth culture, sharing bills with the likes of the Sex Pistols, Joy Division, the Buzzcocks and Elvis Costello.

john2His biting, expletive-laden sets are characterised by lively, mostly a cappella renditions and a legendary hairstyle. Live a cappella always makes me extremely uncomfortable because it’s so raw, like sushi. There’s absolutely nowhere to hide, and Dr Cooper is one of few people I trust not to muck it up.

Even if you’re unfamiliar with his work, you’ve probably heard it without realizing. ‘I Wanna be Yours’ was adapted by the Arctic Monkeys for their album AM, and the video for 2007 single ‘Fluorescent Adolescent’ was inspired by ‘Out of Control Fairground’, in which a mob of clowns have a barny with some clown haters.

Rapper Plan B featured Clarke’s performance poetry in his directional film debut ‘Ill Manors’, their duet ‘Pity The Plight’ appearing in the movie and on the film’s hit soundtrack. These collaborations mean he has been involved in two global number ones in two years.

He also wrote a poem for a 2013 McCain advert about how chips make people happy with the tag line “happy days”.

Cooper’s work has also made it onto the GCSE curriculum thanks to teachers who grew up with his work and wanted dot com generation teens to appreciate poetry, demonstrated in the poem ‘Twat’: Like a death a birthday party/you ruin all the fun/Like a sucked and spat our Smartie/You’re no use to anyone.

‘Evidently Chickentown’ is a good place to start if you’re keen to get to know his work, and watch the 2010 documentary ‘Evidently… John Cooper Clarke’ from the BBC’s Punk Britannia season to know more about the man behind the barnet. His freshly-released ‘Anthologia’ is a unique three CD/DVD bookset, and a limited number of his poems are available on Spotify.

Tickets are selling fast, so to hear the legend himself snap one up at

Candlelit yoga for women with Jade, 6 week course

When: Wednesdays 7-6pm from Nov 4th to Dec 9th

Where: The Health Place at Blackburne House, L8 7PE

How much: £25 for six weeks, drop-ins also available

I worked briefly with Jade last summer in the design department at Lime Pictures. She’d always be eating something weird like bean salad and was warm and creative, generating a peaceful aura I was a bit in awe of because I’m more of a Viking off its antipsychotics. Whenever I see her about she’s always smiling, even at a 6am sober raves.

12106749_1011853288867385_7973067646548667375_nNow she’s bringing her Sefton Park morning yoga to a cozy candlelit corner of Blackburne House in a six week course, where you can wind down and de-stress after a long day complaining about how cold/windy/wet/snowy it is.

The sessions are unusual in being women-centric, providing a comfortable environment to while away the woes of life with your sisters, free from male eyes who’ll notice the wedgie so beautifully illuminated through your transparent leggings during downward dog.

The sessions are suitable for absolute beginners and those who would like to slow down and ‘take some time to go inside and rest and restore’/achieve a boss bod.

To book contact


INKbeat*: the review

24 Kitchen Street was packed full of creatives on Thursday night. I hadn’t known quite what to expect, and many people wielded paint brushes, pencils and spray cans, but I decided to just observe this time because I’m rubbish at art.

The night was kicked off by self-proclaimed ‘psycho tropical bubble pop’ threesome Pink Kink, fun loving yet formidable dames.
                            Pink Kink
Luci4 (the one whose hair I mentioned) was hand picked for his minimal yet heavy atmospheric drum and bass to accompany the body suspension of tattoo artist and nutcase, Norwegian Alex ‘Panda’ Trowell. I’m not squeamish; the only thing I recall ever needing to turn off was a horrific clip of kittens being stomped by Chinese ladies in heels. I couldn’t watch the performance but couldn’t look away either, and won’t be eating beef for a while. Nonetheless, I was fascinated and hope someone less skint than me bought that man a beer.

12039766_1019804691405578_9020597837684015555_nBEAR accompanied the INKbeat* Fantômes as they patiently allowed spray painters to slowly destroy their lungs, before shadow dancing and posing very still is very ambitious poses so arty types could sketch.

Normske’s performance was delivered with her own exciting AV art mix, whilst DJ Paris brought the show to a close.  AV artist TV LUX infused performances with live capture and streaming to analogue monitors stacked in the middle of the performance arena.

Head over to for a live stream of the night, especially the suspension act.


Heartbrokers: the review

You’ve hopefully already read our previous post about Heartbrokers by the AR-Tea Collective as part of On The Verge festival, showcasing new performances in unusual spaces across the city.

Split into two parts, there were Heartbrokers pop-up events all week where heartbreakers and the heartbroken could donate unwanted items left behind by their ex and cleanse their emotional palette. I went along for a chat with one half of the AR-Tea Collective, Lora Johnson, at 92 Degrees Coffee.

I didn’t have anything to donate (because it’s all buried deep in the attic in tightly sealed boxes, sob) but I was instructed to by Amber Regan get comfortable and close my eyes, guided back to a time when I’d barely left my bed in a fortnight, snot dripping, reaching for a tissue I hoped wasn’t snotty. Handed a pen, paper and Love Hearts, I was instructed to write anything I felt like; what Tom Twat the Second looked like,  a significant object or place that reminded me of him, or a particular memory. Despite being in a good mood and not particularly needing to unburden myself, it was a cathartic experience. I wrote (cringe):

‘Did you really give me fake flowers because they wouldn’t die or because they were cheap?’

We’re often embarrassed expressing sentimentality, but this event said, I care, tell me about it. They wanted to hear about the cinema ticket you couldn’t throw away, and when we’re assured people aren’t being burdened by our troubles,  it seems we can’t stop talking and were looking for a way to express ourselves all along. Groups of friends who’d only come in for coffee would discuss their own heartbreak tales, and I was sad I’d come on my bill.

For the auction half of the event at the Victoria Gallery, I brought along Tom the Third (time lucky?) Guests would be bidding with a chocolate coin currency, each person given two gold coins and 12 silver (extra gold coins could be bought for 50p each, 10p for silver) by an Elvis impersonator.


Empty Wardrobe: The first listing was a stack of clothes left behind by various break-ups to be bought in bulk. One girl near the front was determined to blow her entire currency – maybe she wasn’t quite ready to give them up after all?

Heartbreak Tango: The bundle contained a framed black and white photograph of a couple, a half empty/full vodka bottle, a copy of the Echo the donator had bought regularly at the newsagents where the pasty object of her desires worked, a set of knives with only one knife left, and a Homer Simpson sock. The woman’s mother in law had taken photos of the couple on Crosby beach, refusing to stop and prompting a hissy fit. She was presented the framed photo on her birthday by her mother in law, then subsequently dumped. Auctioneer Regan devised a fabulous song inspired by the accompanying note, complaining, ‘when we had sex I never came’. My boyfriend wanted this bundle for the vodka, but I thought the sock would have been more useful as he’s missing one after having to … oh … um, never mind.  She sang the woes of girlfriends of the PornHub generation everywhere: ‘I started farting and then stopped shaving… I only had myself to blame.’

Conclusions: A poem bidding an emotional farewell to his lover by Joshua O’Brien Attila The Poet in an attempt to enter the new year unshackled by the heaviness of heartache. Ripped out of a notebook, it came complete with tear stains. Blub.

Carly: Carly was a an African grey parrot found on the doorstep of a couple’s flat, having been battered by the local pigeons. The boyfriend and Carly became best mates, and I guess the girlfriend wasn’t happy because they broke up shortly after and she kept the parrot. A grey feather was the only memento left from this 2010 heartbreak, the touching story accompanied by a contemporary dance routine (or maybe not, it’s one of those words I don’t know how to use). A guy at the front desperately wanted it, bidding six gold coins; guess he’s been reading Cosmopolitan?


The Brook: Two sexual health pamphlets accompanied by a tale of lying legs akimbo for a nurse who instructed, ‘when you see my Scouse brows you’re in the right position’. Informed she had acquired genital warts, out came the complaints about having to pay THREE QUID’S PARKING A WEEK at the Royal on her day off to have her “fanny froze”. A hilarious tale and fierce bidding (note to those who missed out: get down the STI clinic before it drops off/you can’t see the entrance from quantity of moles).

Illinois: A souvenir tin (ironically named ‘Heart Breaker’, once containing sugarfree peppermints). The donator lived in America for six months while at uni, living “with a guy who was a friend, and he was just a friend…” The promise of a story inside for the winner escalated the bidding.


Lifetrap: A copy of the book Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behaviour… And Feel Great Again’ by Jeffery E. Young, Ph.D and Janet S.Klosko, Ph.D. Donated by a kind mystery gent, it helped him “to understand why I was drawn into yet another relationship with someone with a personality disorder”, which I was a bit offended about so didn’t want to reinvent my life any more and ate the coins instead. The auctioneer preached advice via exerts, and the young man next to me (not Tom the Third) told me he loved me, and me being a bit socially awkward I froze and just stared gormlessly. I love you too! Bidders challenged the fifty gold coins with “INFINITY GOLD COINS!!”, a banana, a striptease from a cuddly ethnic man, to a double female striptease. Somehow the infinity gold coins trumped.


Souls cleansed of broken dreams, the night culminated in a boogie to some golden oldie heartbreak tunes. It was a brilliant evening and the team should be commended for using humour as a tool to delve into own most intimate memories. It was also brave of all who donated, because although they were anonymous (except you, Attila The Poet) it takes guts to lay yourself bare for the world to judge.

Sooo… would the lady who won that knife like to donate 20 (real) gold coins for my fake flowers which’ll look just lovely on the grave of that twat of an ex?


The Spare Rib Burlesque & Cabaret

When: October 29th 8pm

Where: The Magnet, 45 Hardman St

Next up on our Halloween schedule is the woman-centric Spare Rib Burlesque and Cabaret, founded in 2014 by performers in their own right, Minxie Coquette and Tilly Mint.

According to Minxie,There was nothing like it in Liverpool at the time. We have the Martini Lounge as a big burlesque theatre show and the occasional tour, but nothing feels quite like a small cabaret show, and it allows people to see performers of different levels and experience. First and foremost I wanted to create a platform for women performers to create and show the world their skills and passions!’

Unlike the Martini Lounge where tickets cost upward of £20, the Spare Rib hosts professionals like the queen of comedy Velma Von Bon Bon, to amateurs taking that nerve-wracking first-time plunge into embracing the clunge (ergh, sorry). The Spare Rib is where I performed with the Jazz-esque girls for the second time, the smoky basement providing safe stage for women getting to know their bodies (does that sound rude? My first language isn’t English OK, bah). Not letting the girls have all the fun, Minxie and Tilly often host pre-show classes ranging from drag kings to boylesque, as well as a memorable “twerkshop”.

Proceeds usually go to charity, so it’s fitting that the girls are particular supporters of RASA (Rape And Sexual Abuse) in a world where women are often “asking for it” based on their clothing. The girls have previously had to defend themselves against claims that women stripping is inappropriate when trying to raise money for a charity supporting men and women who have suffered sexual abuse.

But there’s something so sensual and empowering about burlesque; rather than stripping to arouse men, it celebrates the female form, and you’ll often find the majority of attendees at these shows to be women. Burlesque is about women supporting women on their journey towards self acceptance and love.

So! On to the good stuff. Your compere for Thursday evening will be the whip-cracking Diva Hollywood, who has headlined the best burlesque & cabaret clubs from New York to Milan. We’ve already seen a clip of Minxie’s Wednesday Addams inspired act, and it’s very cute.

There will also be burlesque from Lola Rogue and Tilly Mint. Debuting at the Spare Rib will be Little Peaches, the best thing to come out of Australia since a whole country losing its prime minister by letting him wander into the sea then naming a swimming pool after him.

Little Peaches
Little Peaches by Tamlyn Lee Magee

When you’re bored of boobs (wtf?) there’ll be magic from Ashleigh Goodwin and music from Jodie Anderson.

For the chance to win some cheeky goodies bring some extra pennies to enter the raffle. Girl on Purl Action will also be selling their knitted wares.

For the chance to win 2 x FREE entries, head over to to share the relevant post and tell us what makes YOU feel sexy. Best answer will be chosen Tuesday 11pm.

Fancy dress encouraged!

Tickets £8 on the door or £6 from–The-Spare-Rib-Burlesque–Cabaret/12534611/


The Secret Circus – The Rocky Horror Circus Show!

When: October 28th 8pm

Where: Studio 2, Parr St

The Secret Circus is a monthly variety show hosted by performers and soul sisters Eve Howlett and Chanel Samson.

Each event is themed, ranging from ‘Pirates Ahoy!’ to ‘Sunshine and Lollipops’. It’s where I did my first performance with the Jazz-esque troupe in front of the most supportive audience you could ask for.

Notable acts have included comedy trio Legion of Doom, a dance lesson from Mersey Swing and the most, err…memorable… burlesque ever, by Dorothy Krueger & Monkey.

Dorothy Krueger & Monkey
Dorothy Krueger & Monkey

Proceeds go to back to the acts, leaving limited funds to create the Circus itself, but the girls always create fun themed décor despite limited resources.

To begin next week’s Halloween festivities the event is Rocky Horror themed, welcoming sweet transvestites, PVC and gold hot pants. Check out this cracking line-up:

Spoken Word: Izzy Sowley, Rikki Wiley

Tilly Mint

Comedy Ghost stories:
Thaddius Bent of the Legion of Doom

‘Disturbed’ Turkish belly dancing:
Helen Nasheeta Rawlinson

Alastair Clark

Horror Burlesque:
Daria Lee – Horror Performer

Comedy sketches:
Jim Alsbalstian’s Human Zoo

Felix Hagan
Indigo Moon

The Secret Circus is one of my favorite events and an absolute bargain at £3. Get down early for a good seat – see you there!