Red’s True Barbecue

It was Christmas eve-eve, and my parents were spending Christmas with me and my brother in the ‘Pool. He got to choose where we ate this time, and I wasn’t enthusiastic about this place because I am soo over the food served on shovels/miniature picnic benches/bin lids trend (check out for a laugh).

Inside was chocka with rowdy 30-something blokes. A car hung from the roof, and all that good stuff blared (loudly) from a sound system – the White Stripes, Aerosmith, Foos, Arctic Monkeys.

I literally chose the donut burger because there was nothing on the menu I was arsed about. I don’t even like donuts.  But it was AMAZING. ‘Two steak patties, melted cheese, smoked peppered bacon, crispy onions and dirty sauce, all between two sweet glazed donuts. Served with frickles.’ That’s fried pickles to you, and even those were good. On that subject, anyone know if it’s just a myth that if you shove a cucumber inside a lady for 24 hours it’ll turn into a pickle?

At £12.95 it isn’t cheap, and normally £8 is the absolute maximum I’ll pay for a burger, but Dad was paying, and it was so good I’d be tempted to pay for it myself. Someday. Maybe. When hell freezes over. But still, if I had a willy I would make sweet love to this burger. It may even be the best burger I’ve ever had – the jury’s still out. Oh, and it wasn’t served on a bin lid.


The menu suggests a ‘heavenly’ bevvie to compliment your scran, which normally I’d ignore because do one with your thinking you know what’s best for me, nobhead! But we all know how much I love lemons, and the Lemon Meringue Pie’tini sounded pretty damn heavenly: Absolut Citron, fresh lemon and lemon curd with a floating meringue foam on top.


Our waitress Lucia was adorable and seemed genuinely gutted I hadn’t touched her cocktail yet (saving it for pudding, obv). I felt a bit sick by this point but know I’d have been all over it/it all over me if I was out on the town.


The side of creamed corn was hands down the tastiest I’ve ever had, and the onion rings were the size of bangles. LOOK AT THEM.

Basically, the food here is boss and if you’re one of the few people still resisting, don’t bother cos you’re wrong.




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