Epicured on Gradwell St would be a great place to go on a first date/to dump someone. A meticulous mishmash of curiosities, Mickey Mouse is trapped in a net suspended high above brunchers whilst a book dedicated to 80s trainers is sooo interesting you just didn’t notice your ex drowning in a puddle of his own tears.

Gutted on said ex when he worked out the cheerful fire was just a projection so he couldn’t swiftly dispose of us, tho.

Aherm, anyway. The music was decent, with tunes like Lola, Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Jammin’. 

Described as a ‘grazery and cocktail cocoon’, it  basically translates to fancy breakfasts,  tapas-style cured meats, cheese and bread with the option of sharing picnic blocks. To wait we were given popcorn, and between two of us we went for:

– patatas bravas, which promised to be ‘an epi twist on a classic’ (£4)
– sobrasada bonbons (£4.50)
– a little stew pot i.e. a daily changing mini stew or cassoulet ‘bursting with favourite cured meats and treats’ (£5)
– bread with olive oil and balsamic vinegar (£2.50)

An Independent Liverpool card knocked 15% off the bill – nice one! The food was tasty, well portioned and served on bondage paddles in case your ex decided to beat you to death instead.

There were plenty of carnivorous choices on the menu including Scottish venison salami and iberico bellota lomo, a ‘special treat from acorn-fed pigs’. Right.

As far as we could tell the only cheesy light bite was the torta canarejal (£12.50), a ‘dreamy, meltingly soft cheese for sharing + dipping’. We’d like to see some smaller cheese options that don’t resemble fondue ‘cos we happen to have a phobia of fondue (don’t ask).

We’re raring to try what else is on offer, and maybe even indulge in a cocktail next time. PS,  how boss is their bathroom?